Previous Questions and Answers
I love my girlfriend and my wife - what do I do?
I
have been married to a great woman for almost 23 years.
Our marriage has not been the greatest, I never cheated on her physically in
those 23 years, she had a 1 night stand a number of years ago. I forgave her and took her back because I knew it
was right in God's eyes. I love her and my 2
sons very much. I have been a Christian since
1995. I desire more than anything to surrender
my will to the Lord! No the problem...I fell
in love with my "soul mate" at 17 years old and she with me. We have been apart and haven't seen each other
since 1969. We have been talking and
professing how much we thought of each other for these almost 40 years and I went to her
and spent 3 days with her. I know that I have
committed adultery! I also know that I am
forgiven if I repent. My wife is angry,
needless to say, and I am not sure if she can overcome my infidelity. I am torn between my wife and family and my true
love. The Bible says that infidelity is an
acceptable reason for divorce, but the emotional damage that will be done to all parties
looks insurmountable. I want to fulfill my
responsibilities and obligations to my family, but I want to be happy in my life also. How do I know what path God has set for me? How do I submit to His will and not follow my own
heart and emotions? I truly love my
"girlfriend" and I truly love my family!!!
First,
you are not being honest what the real problem is. You
said that the problem began when you met up
with your teenage love again. That is not
where your problem started. You said, “I
have been married to a great woman for almost 23 years.” If you truly believed that, you would have never
been attracted to your teenage love. You would
have been perfectly contented in the bosom of your great wife, and her loving care for you
as her husband and leader. You are not truly
being honest where your problem began.
Then
you said a statement that contradicted your first statement.
“Our marriage has not been the greatest…” You cannot believe that your wife is truly a great
woman, and also believe that you have had a “not-so-great marriage.” The two are inseparable. What you really believe is that your teenage love
is a great woman, because she is excited about you, and because she is meeting your
physical needs. That means that your wife has
been a disappointment to you in your marriage. Admit
it. Face the facts. That is why you were able to go spend three days
with another woman, and not be afraid of God’s judgment falling upon you —
because you felt justified in doing that because you actually believe that your wife is
not “great,” but has sinned against you all these years in not meeting your
needs. You actually believed that you were
getting what you deserved, and what you had missed out on all these years of your
marriage. To prove that you felt justified,
you just happened to mention, “she had a 1 night stand a number of years ago. I forgave her and took her back because I knew it
was right in God's eyes.” That statement
was not necessary at all, except to justify your own adultery now.
You
were also not being honest when you said, “I desire more than anything to surrender
my will to the Lord!” That is a false
statement, and is proved false by your other statements.
Like when you said, “I am torn between my wife and family and my true
love.” If you truly desired to surrender
to the will of God, then you would not be “torn” between your family and an
adulterous woman. You know that the will of
God is to flee from the adulterous woman. Proverbs
5:1-13 says, “1 My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding: 2 That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy
lips may keep knowledge. 3 For the lips of a
strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: 4 But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as
a twoedged sword. 5 Her
feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell. 6 Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her
ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them. 7
Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth. 8 Remove
thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house: 9 Lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy
years unto the cruel: 10 Lest strangers be
filled with thy wealth; and thy labours be in the house of a stranger;
You
said, “I fell in love with my "soul mate" at 17 years old and she with
me.” Your teenage love is not your
“soul mate.” She is presently your
“play mate,” and your “dream mate,” and your “lust mate,”
but she is not your “soul mate.” Playing
around with her is going to destroy your “soul,” your “life.” “But whoso
committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his
own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his
reproach shall not be wiped away.” Your
wife is your true “soul mate” (your true “life mate”). Genesis 2:23-25 says, “23 And Adam said, This
is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was
taken out of Man. 24 Therefore
shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they
shall be one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife,
and were not ashamed.” Matthew 19:3-6
says, “3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it
lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made
them at the beginning made them male and female, 5
And said, For
this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they
twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore
they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not
man put asunder.”
You
are you wife’s “soul mate” until one of you dies. Romans 7:2-3 says, “2 For the woman which hath
an husband is bound
by the law to her husband so long as he liveth;
but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be
married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she
is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another
man.” 1 Corinthians 7:39 says, “39 The wife is bound
by the law as long as her husband liveth;
but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the
Lord.”
You
said, “How do I know what path God has set for me?
How do I submit to His will and not follow my own heart and emotions?” You already know the answer to those questions. You repent (which means cutting off all contact
with your teenage love), and go back to your wife and ask for her forgiveness.
I
do not expect you to listen to a word of this letter, because you did not write in
brokenness and humility, but in self-justification (you wrote, “I want to fulfill my
responsibilities and obligations to my family, but
I want to be happy in my life also). Your bottom line is not the vow that you made to
your wife at your marriage; not your responsibility as a father; not the fact that God
says you are one with your wife and no man is to break that union — your bottom line
is your own flesh. You have made your flesh
the master. Matthew 6:24 says, “No man
can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he
will hold to the one, and despise the other.” You
can only have one master, and you have made your flesh your master. That was obvious when you wrote, “I am torn
between my wife and family and my true
love.” Notice that you did not say your
wife was your true love. Notice that you did
not say that your children are your true love. And
also notice that you did not say that God was your true love. You have
From
the ages that you gave, you are not a teenager, or a middle-aged man. That makes you all the more responsible for such a
foolish decision. Are you really ready to
throw away everything for this fleeting pleasure? Hebrews
11:24-26 says, “24 By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called
the son of Pharaoh's daughter; 25 Choosing
rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for
a season; 26 Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches
than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward.” Ezekiel 33:8-11 says, “8 When I say unto the
wicked, O wicked man, thou shalt surely die; if thou dost not speak to warn the wicked
from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at
thine hand. 9 Nevertheless, if thou warn the
wicked of his way to turn from it; if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his
iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul. 10
Therefore, O thou son of man, speak unto the house of Israel; Thus ye speak, saying, If
our transgressions and our sins be upon us, and we pine away in them, how should we then
live? 11 Say unto them, As I live, saith the
Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his
way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of
Israel?”
