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I love my girlfriend and my wife - what do I do?
I have been married to a great woman for almost 23 years. Our marriage has not been the greatest, I never cheated on her physically in those 23 years, she had a 1 night stand a number of years ago. I forgave her and took her back because I knew it was right in God's eyes. I love her and my 2 sons very much. I have been a Christian since 1995. I desire more than anything to surrender my will to the Lord! No the problem...I fell in love with my "soul mate" at 17 years old and she with me. We have been apart and haven't seen each other since 1969. We have been talking and professing how much we thought of each other for these almost 40 years and I went to her and spent 3 days with her. I know that I have committed adultery! I also know that I am forgiven if I repent. My wife is angry, needless to say, and I am not sure if she can overcome my infidelity. I am torn between my wife and family and my true love. The Bible says that infidelity is an acceptable reason for divorce, but the emotional damage that will be done to all parties looks insurmountable. I want to fulfill my responsibilities and obligations to my family, but I want to be happy in my life also. How do I know what path God has set for me? How do I submit to His will and not follow my own heart and emotions? I truly love my "girlfriend" and I truly love my family!!!
First, you are not being honest what the real problem is. You said that the problem began when you met up with your teenage love again. That is not where your problem started. You said, I have been married to a great woman for almost 23 years. If you truly believed that, you would have never been attracted to your teenage love. You would have been perfectly contented in the bosom of your great wife, and her loving care for you as her husband and leader. You are not truly being honest where your problem began.
Then you said a statement that contradicted your first statement. Our marriage has not been the greatest You cannot believe that your wife is truly a great woman, and also believe that you have had a not-so-great marriage. The two are inseparable. What you really believe is that your teenage love is a great woman, because she is excited about you, and because she is meeting your physical needs. That means that your wife has been a disappointment to you in your marriage. Admit it. Face the facts. That is why you were able to go spend three days with another woman, and not be afraid of Gods judgment falling upon you because you felt justified in doing that because you actually believe that your wife is not great, but has sinned against you all these years in not meeting your needs. You actually believed that you were getting what you deserved, and what you had missed out on all these years of your marriage. To prove that you felt justified, you just happened to mention, she had a 1 night stand a number of years ago. I forgave her and took her back because I knew it was right in God's eyes. That statement was not necessary at all, except to justify your own adultery now.
You were also not being honest when you said, I desire more than anything to surrender my will to the Lord! That is a false statement, and is proved false by your other statements. Like when you said, I am torn between my wife and family and my true love. If you truly desired to surrender to the will of God, then you would not be torn between your family and an adulterous woman. You know that the will of God is to flee from the adulterous woman. Proverbs 5:1-13 says, 1 My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding: 2 That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy lips may keep knowledge. 3 For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: 4 But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword. 5 Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell. 6 Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them. 7 Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth. 8 Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house: 9 Lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel: 10 Lest strangers be filled with thy wealth; and thy labours be in the house of a stranger; 11 And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed, 12 And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof; 13 And have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me! Proverbs 5:18-23 says, 18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. 20 And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? 21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings. 22 His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins. 23 He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray. Proverbs 6:24-33 says, 24 To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman. 25 Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. 26 For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life. 27 Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? 28 Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? 29 So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent. 30 Men do not despise a thief, if he steal to satisfy his soul when he is hungry; 31 But if he be found, he shall restore sevenfold; he shall give all the substance of his house. 32 But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. 33 A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.
You said, I fell in love with my "soul mate" at 17 years old and she with me. Your teenage love is not your soul mate. She is presently your play mate, and your dream mate, and your lust mate, but she is not your soul mate. Playing around with her is going to destroy your soul, your life. But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away. Your wife is your true soul mate (your true life mate). Genesis 2:23-25 says, 23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Matthew 19:3-6 says, 3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
You are you wifes soul mate until one of you dies. Romans 7:2-3 says, 2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. 1 Corinthians 7:39 says, 39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
You said, How do I know what path God has set for me? How do I submit to His will and not follow my own heart and emotions? You already know the answer to those questions. You repent (which means cutting off all contact with your teenage love), and go back to your wife and ask for her forgiveness.
I do not expect you to listen to a word of this letter, because you did not write in brokenness and humility, but in self-justification (you wrote, I want to fulfill my responsibilities and obligations to my family, but I want to be happy in my life also). Your bottom line is not the vow that you made to your wife at your marriage; not your responsibility as a father; not the fact that God says you are one with your wife and no man is to break that union your bottom line is your own flesh. You have made your flesh the master. Matthew 6:24 says, No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. You can only have one master, and you have made your flesh your master. That was obvious when you wrote, I am torn between my wife and family and my true love. Notice that you did not say your wife was your true love. Notice that you did not say that your children are your true love. And also notice that you did not say that God was your true love. You have made your flesh your master, and you will suffer the terrible consequences for it. Hebrews 12:6 says, For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. Proverbs 5:8-13 says, 8 Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house: 9 Lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel: 10 Lest strangers be filled with thy wealth; and thy labours be in the house of a stranger; 11 And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed, 12 And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof; 13 And have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me!
From the ages that you gave, you are not a teenager, or a middle-aged man. That makes you all the more responsible for such a foolish decision. Are you really ready to throw away everything for this fleeting pleasure? Hebrews 11:24-26 says, 24 By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter; 25 Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; 26 Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompence of the reward. Ezekiel 33:8-11 says, 8 When I say unto the wicked, O wicked man, thou shalt surely die; if thou dost not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand. 9 Nevertheless, if thou warn the wicked of his way to turn from it; if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul. 10 Therefore, O thou son of man, speak unto the house of Israel; Thus ye speak, saying, If our transgressions and our sins be upon us, and we pine away in them, how should we then live? 11 Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel?
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