Question:
Were Joseph and Mary actually married (not just engaged) at the time of Jesus’ birth? Luke and Matthew seem to tell different stories here.
Answer:
Matthew 1:18-25 reads: “Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins. Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us. THEN JOSEPH BEING RAISED FROM SLEEP DID AS THE ANGEL OF THE LORD HAD BIDDEN HIM, AND TOOK UNTO HIM HIS WIFE: And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS.”
Luke 2:1-7 reads, “And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed WITH MARY HIS ESPOUSED WIFE, BEING GREAT WITH CHILD. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.”
When these two passages are read, there seems to be an apparent contradiction. Reading just the Book of Matthew, a person may assume that Mary was found with child of the Holy Ghost; but after a restless night of considering divorce, and then an appearance of the angel of the Lord, Joseph got up in the morning and married her. Whereas, reading just the Book of Luke, a person may assume that Joseph and Mary are still just engaged when the baby Jesus is born. The key is putting both passages together. I Corinthians 2:13 says, “Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.” Scripture never contradicts itself. John 17:17 says, “Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.”
One thing which we must remember is that as soon as the Son of God was conceived in Mary’s womb, she took off to see Elisabeth. Luke 1:34-40 says, “Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man? And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God. And, behold, thy cousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her old age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren. For with God nothing shall be impossible. And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her. AND MARY AROSE IN THOSE DAYS, AND WENT INTO THE HILL COUNTRY WITH HASTE, into a city of Juda; And entered into the house of Zacharias, and saluted Elisabeth.” There may have been a couple of reasons for her quick departure. One, was to confirm what the angel had told her, that Elisabeth was also expecting in her old age. Two, it would give her some time to know how to break the news to Joseph. So we know right now that Joseph was not immediately made aware that Mary was expecting. Luke 1:56 says, “And Mary abode with her about THREE MONTHS, and returned to her own house.”
We do not know exactly when it was that Mary broke the news to Joseph that she was expecting. It would have been very difficult to explain, after she rushed right off for three months; and then when she came back after all that time, she was expecting. Humanly-speaking, it would have been very easy to assume that she was unfaithful to Joseph while she was up in the hill country. We must also remember that their clothing was much more modest back in those days, and it would have been much more difficult to tell when a woman with child began to actually show the growth of the baby in the womb.
We must also understand that husbands and wives who experience unfaithful mates go through mood swings. One moment, they are in tears and confirm their love toward their erring, but repentant mates. But the next hour or day, they may fight back great feelings of anger or resentment. It is a great battle to get an immoral mate to repent, and sometimes an even greater battle to get a hurt mate to forgive.
What we end up with in this situation with Joseph and Mary, is that when she arrived back home, there was about six months before the birth. As was previously stated, we do not know when Mary actually told him that she was expecting. Being this was her first baby, and the modesty of the dress, it could have been a number of months before she actually began to show. Once she did tell Joseph, he obviously went through periods of affirmation of his love for her, and periods of doubt about her faithfulness. From the Scriptures, we know that it was an extreme struggle for him, right up until days before the birth. The struggle would have become much more intense as the birth drew nigh.
Matthew 1:19 tells us that Joseph was coming to some conclusions. “Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily.” Joseph could have brought Mary before the elders, and had her stoned for being unfaithful to him, but he loved her too much to do that. Instead, he decided to “put her away privily.” The betrothals were binding, and could be only broken by an official divorcement decree. For the reasons why, please see Marriage Bible Course, Part 5. It seems that Joseph had decided to follow through with the private divorce. It was when Joseph was thinking about all of this, that the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream. Matthew 1:20-23 records what he was told in that dream, “But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins. Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.” The angel of the Lord told Joseph that this was a fulfillment of prophecy in Scripture, that a virgin would be with child, and would bear the Savior. This is what Joseph needed, a confirmation from the Scriptures. Remember, Romans 10:17 says, “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” It was this confirmation from Scripture that finally gave Joseph the faith that he needed to get beyond his period of doubting. Matthew 1:24, 25 shows what he did. “Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife: And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS.”
Luke 2:4-7 shows us that the time frame when Joseph struggled with these decisions was very late, right up to when they arrived at Bethlehem. “And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with MARY HIS ESPOUSED WIFE, BEING GREAT WITH CHILD. And so it was, that, WHILE THEY WERE THERE, THE DAYS WERE ACCOMPLISHED THAT SHE SHOULD BE DELIVERED. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.” When Joseph and Mary started out for Bethlehem, Mary was still called his “espoused wife;” his “engaged” or “betrothed” wife. Which tells us that it was on the way, or while they were there, that Joseph struggled with these decisions; the angel of the Lord appeared to him; and he obeyed and married her. The marriage was definitely before the birth of Jesus, because it clearly states in Matthew 1:24, 25, “Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife: And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS.”
There are never any contradictions in Scripture. It just takes study on our part to put all of the pieces together. 2 Timothy 2:15 says, “Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” Psalm 119:160 says, “Thy word is true from the beginning: and every one of thy righteous judgments endureth for ever.”