Question:
I HAVE A PROBLEM AT MY CHURCH,I’M A BAPTIST DEACON I WENT TO MY PASTOR ABOUT SOME KIDS AT OUR CHURCH BEING TOO AGGRESSIVE WITH MY SON. I TRIED TALKING TO THE PARENTS, OTHER DEACONS, EVEN THE KIDS, WITH NO SUCCESS. I TOLD MY PASTOR MY PROBLEM AND HE ASK ME TO COME TO HIS HOME FOR COFFEE AND WE WOULD DISCUSS IT. WHEN I ARRIVED HE WAS OUTRAGED ABOUT SOME THINGS BEING LEFT OUT OF THE CHURCH BULLETIN. MY QUESTION IS THIS, MY WIFE AND I WENT TO THE ALTER AND ASK CHRIST TO HELP US. SOMETIMES I FEEL I SHOULD JUST FIND ANOTHER HOUSE OF WORSHIP BUT THAT WOULD HURT THE CHURCH PLEASE HELP ME TO FIND THE ANSWERS I NEED.
Answer:
Children who are naughty or mean at church are a very real and serious problem. They drive away good families from churches, and they are a bad testimony for visitors who come. The responsibility lies with the parents. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Too many times parents defend their children, even when they are naughty, instead of humbling themselves and disciplining their children. Proverbs 13:24 says, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” Many times, the reason that children act so naughty, is because their parents refuse to face the truth, and keep defending their children every time there is a problem.
It is your responsibility, as a parent, to protect your own child. So the first step is to keep your child close to you when you are at church, until this is resolved. That way you can see what is really taking place, and put a stop to it if anything starts. Sometimes, our children can provoke other children to wrath, too. So if your child is close to you, you can see if your child needs correcting as to what he is saying to the naughty children.
Second, pray for those families. Follow the example of Matthew 18:15-17, which says, “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as a heathen man and a publican.” You are first to go alone and try to resolve the problem. If that does not do it, then you are to take one or two more with you. If that still does not correct the problem, then the matter is brought before the whole church. It sounds like you have started the first step, now you need to follow the second step.
It seems very strange that your pastor was so upset with you when you went to talk about this matter. First, spend time before the Lord asking Him to search your heart. Have you been a faithful helper to your pastor in the ministry there? Or have you often gone to him complaining about everything that someone does around the church? Sometimes there are well-meaning people in the church that want things to be right, but every time they see something wrong, they constantly go and complain about it to the pastor, instead of following the instruction of Matthew 18. That becomes a heavy burden to a pastor. If that is true in your life, then repent of it, and starting handling problems right. If that is not true, and your pastor is one who easily gets angry at people in the church, then you need to start praying about finding another church. Proverbs 14:17 says, “He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly.” Titus 1:7 says, “For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry.” But follow Matthew 18 with your pastor, as well. Do not just run away from problems in the church, because there will be problems in any church that you join. We are all still sinners, but saved by grace. A good church is not one which has no problems, because such a church does not exist. A good church is one which is willing to Biblically deal with problems when they do arise. So do not just run away. Tell your pastor what is on your heart, and what you must do if things are not resolved. You will be able to tell by his reaction if it is time to seriously pray about moving on somewhere else.