Question:
What is an affair? Can God forgive me? I have fallen in love with a woman, and I’m married. I have 3 children as well. 15yrs married… I saw a woman, who was new to this country, and we looked into each other’s eyes and I was lost… we both cry a lot because we can not be together, and love God at the same time. We want to stop seeing each other until I get divorced. I feel as if this is the answer. I know it seems wrong, but there are many things wrong in the world. I want to be close to my children. But I need to leave the home for now. I will be a part of their lives, everyday. I will not let my fathering duties be overshadowed by this change… So what to do? I ask for the best way to handle this in God’s eyes. He has given us the ability to chose, now what?
Answer:
According to Webster’s Dictionary, an affair is “a romantic or passionate attachment typically of limited duration.” There is a problem that you are not considering — “limited duration,” which means what you are contemplating is not going to last. The Bible says in Hebrews 11:24,25, “By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter; Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy THE PLEASURES OF SIN FOR A SEASON.” Sin has its pleasures, but only for a season.
What you are doing is sin. Matthew 5:27,28 says, “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Yes, God can forgive you, if you are willing to repent. Acts 26:18-20 says, “To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, THAT THEY MAY RECEIVE FORGIVENESS OF SINS, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. Whereupon, O king Agrippa, I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision: But showed first unto them of Damascus, and at Jerusalem, and throughout all the coasts of Judaea, and then to the Gentiles, THAT THEY SHOULD REPENT AND TURN TO GOD, AND DO WORKS MEET FOR REPENTANCE.”
If you truly repent, then you are going to have to back it up with works meet for repentance. If you say that you have repented, then your actions are going to have to back up those words, and be faithful to your wife.
The Bible warns us not to be taken (as you said that you were) by a person’s eyes. Proverbs 6:25,26 says, “Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; NEITHER LET HER TAKE THEE WITH HER EYELIDS. For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.” Instead of giving in to lust, we are commanded to flee from it. I Timothy 2:22 says, “FLEE ALSO YOUTHFUL LUSTS: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
You said that you both cry a lot because you know that you cannot be together and love God at the same time. You definitely have that right. If you love God, then you will keep His commandments, and will be faithful to your wife. John 14:15,16 says, “IF YE LOVE ME, KEEP MY COMMANDMENTS. And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever.” If you will do right, then God will comfort your heart. If you go ahead and divorce your wife, you may experience the pleasures of sin for a short time, but you will be empty and troubled inside. Psalm 106:15 says, “And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.”
You are kidding yourself about loving your children and wanting to be close to them. If that were true, you would stay with your wife. If you leave your wife, you will probably only be able to be with your children every other weekend, and alternating holidays. They will cry their eyes out at night, because their daddy has left them. When you leave the home, you are leaving your children. If you really loved your children, you would stay with your wife, and make it a happy home. That is what is best for your children. I have seen many broken homes, and it is always the children that suffer the most. A young man said to me once, “I do not know how there could be a God, and let this happen” (his dad left his mom for another woman — just like you are thinking of doing). That young man had been raised in church serving the Lord, but that shook his faith and threw his life into a terrible mess. Your children may also turn their backs upon God, if you do the same thing to your wife. Matthew 18:6 says, “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” That young man’s dad left his mother, and lived with the other woman a few years, and then died of cancer. God’s Word is true. II Corinthians 5:11 says, “Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men.”
What is the best thing for you to do now? Remember your vows to your wife. Ecclesiastes 5:4,5 says, “When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed. Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.” Remember, the part about “for better, for worse?” God has given us the ability to choose. Now what will you do? Deuteronomy 30:19,20 says, “I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore CHOOSE LIFE, that both thou and thy seed may live: That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest OBEY HIS VOICE, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days:”