Question:
My marriage of 15 years is floundering and I need help. My wife and I have argued in the past, but now the arguments are more frequent and intense. The real problem is that she will erupt and criticize me in public. We have argued in front of our children, my parents and in public areas such as restaurants. I now have become very resentful, embarrassed and sensitive to her criticism which to me sound like a mother scolding a 12 year old. It has become so bad that I have taken to flying off at her when I perceive her to be belittling me in front of others. My attitude toward others has deteriorated as well. I am short tempered and angry all the time. When she tries to correct me, I perceive that to be another attempt to “scold” and the fireworks fly. I have repeatedly asked her to discuss the problems she has with me in private and in a civil tone and not in front of our children and others, but so far this has not worked out. I am at the end of my rope. I can’t stand the man I am becoming. I hate what we are doing to our children and the example they are learning. Divorce is sin. To stay in the present atmosphere seems impossible. I do realize that I am far from perfect and my errors have precipitated some of he outbursts, but I don’t feel that we need to allow the discussion to become so heated and public. I feel like a failure as a husband, father, and Christian. God has tasked me with being the head of my household, but I have failed at that as well. I am considering moving out and divorce. Please help. I need some Godly advice as to how I can get control of this situation before my family is lost.
Answer:
If you move out and get a divorce, then you will only compound your troubles. Right now, the wrath of your wife may be against you, but if you move out and get a divorce, then you are disobeying God — and you will also face His wrath. I Corinthians 7:10,11 says, “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and LET NOT THE HUSBAND PUT AWAY HIS WIFE.” If you leave your wife, then you are going to add one more wrong to the situation. Romans 12 :21 says, “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”
You are in a difficult situation, and you are going to have to do what Jesus did. I Peter 2:21-23 says, “For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, LEAVING US AN EXAMPLE, THAT YE SHOULD FOLLOW HIS STEPS: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: WHO, WHEN HE WAS REVILED, REVILED NOT AGAIN; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.” It was prophesied of Jesus in the Old Testament in Isaiah 53:7, “HE WAS OPPRESSED, and he was afflicted, YET HE OPENETH NOT HIS MOUTH: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.” You must follow Jesus’ example, and not respond when it is only going to make things worse. What you do say to your wife, must be said in love, not anger. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A SOFT ANSWER TURNETH AWAY WRATH: but GRIEVOUS WORDS STIR UP ANGER.”
If you are going to see a miracle happen and your marriage saved, then you must be willing to humble yourself when you are criticized, and let God do a work through you. I Peter 5:6,7 says, “HUMBLE YOURSELVES therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”
What you must do is what every Christian has to do every day to live a successful Christian life — die to self. I Corinthians 15:31 says, “I die daily.” In other words, never give the flesh a choice, because it will always choose wrong. Romans 7:18 says, “For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing.” How can we ever live victorious lives then? Matthew 26:41 says, “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: THE SPIRIT INDEED IS WILLING, BUT THE FLESH IS WEAK.” If you are saved, then your spirit wants to respond to the Holy Spirit, and do right. Romans 7:22,23 says, “For I delight in the law of God after the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.” So the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. NEVER GIVE THE FLESH A VOTE IN ANY MATTER. It will never choose right. Galatians 5:16 says, “This I say then, WALK IN THE SPIRIT, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.”
Matthew 26:41 will be a key to victory in your life, so that you will respond the right way. I would encourage you to either print off the Prayer List found on our Web Site, or else send us your address, and we will mail you the printed copy. You need to spend time in prayer every day going over Scripture. That is your strength. Matthew 4:4 says, “But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” God will use His Word to guide you step by step what to do during this difficult time. Psalm 119:105 says, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”