Question:
Question: If my wife makes more money than I do, is it okay for me to tell her to pay all the bills. I decided to pay only the mortgage of $750.00 and the child care for my 3 year old daughter mother by another woman while my wife pay for the groceries; private school for her 13 year old son; my car note and her car note, as well as the car note for the automobile she purchased as a birthday present for me; all utilities are paid by my wife; etc. Bills total over $3000 per month and my only contribution was $750.00. I say was because I lost my job in October of 1998. I acquired part- time employment in December and started a new job in January 1999. Although I made over $5000.00 during these two months I did only only contributed $1500 to expenses.
My wife is very upset and believes that I contribute all my pay to the household expenses. I make less than $50K will she makes over $100K. I have wanted for nothing. She buys food, my clothing, etc. I have not proved to be the better money manager since I paid the mortgage 30 days in the rear and did not tithe or save any money during the previous year.
Because I did not save I have been unable to contribute toward the purchase of our new home. Because I paid the mortgage late each month, this has affected the interest rate on the purchase of the new home. My wife blames me but I told here that she could not use me on the purchase of the new home because of my credit. She did it without my permission. Yes, I want the home as much as she does. But she is the one with the good income and credit.
My wife is very angry and not speaking with me because she found out how much money I made in December and January. She does not understand how I could be so selfish. She does not understand how I could not contribute to the purchase of our new home or just the house note that was 3 months behind. Through mid-March, the job has me training several hundred miles from home. She does not understand why I am driving several hundred miles on the leased car she got as a birthday present for me. She believes that instead of buying “a bunch of adults” Christmas presents, I should have done the necessary required maintenance on my automobile. I was really hoping she would do the maintenance for me.
My wife is angry with me because she says trying to carry the burden of paying all the bills that she believe I would assist with is causing her to live paycheck to paycheck. She pays tithes to the church, bills on her credit report, and adds money to her savings each month without failure. That is money she could use to pay on bill I created.
She is angry because she believes she has done so much for me and says I have not made any sacrifices for God or for her. She has given me a choice to be delivered from my old ways and contribute all my pay to the household OR she will request that we separate. She says that a year ago she was a single woman and as a single woman God provided all her needs. She say God took very good care of her and she was always a happy person.
I remember – she was happy then – no matter what happened in her life or how evil someone treated her she would find the good in the situation. Now she is always angry, sad, defensive. Why is she this way?
What have I done that is so wrong? Can she actually leave me and be in the right with God?
Answer:
God says that when you are married you are ONE. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and THEY SHALL BE ONE FLESH”. That means that a husband does not have HIS OWN MONEY, nor does a wife have HER OWN MONEY. All of their money is THEIRS TOGETHER. If you are living otherwise, then you are disobeying God in your marriage.
God says that THE HUSBAND IS RESPONSIBLE TO PAY ALL OF THE BILLS IN THE HOME. I Timothy 5:8 says, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
God says that THE WIFE IS TO BE IN THE HOME — NOT OUT IN THE WORK FORCE. Titus 2:4,5 says, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, KEEPERS AT HOME, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” A wife can help supplement the income by having a home-based occupation — see Proverbs 31:10-31.
God says that DIVORCE IS NOT RIGHT. Mark 10:7-9 says, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. WHAT THEREFORE GOD HATH JOINED TOGETHER, LET NOT MAN PUT ASUNDER.”
Read these points carefully over again. First, are you saved? If there are some doubts, then you need to get that settled first. Second, confess your sin to God where you have disobeyed, and repent and ask for wisdom how to make things right now. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”