Chapter 2

 

IV. The Choices For Marriage.

    1. Where should the wedding be held?

    2. Who should pay for the wedding ceremony?

    3. How should the wedding party be dressed?

 

   4. What should the music be at a wedding?

Note: The music at a Christian’s wedding should be like the music in his or her life all of the time — psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.

         a. Ephesians 5:19 says, "Speaking to yourselves in psalms and __________ and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord."

         b. Colossians 3:16 says, "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and __________ and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord."

 

It is foolish to think that a Christian couple’s wedding

can be more romantic  using worldly love songs,

rather than psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs.

A groom and bride will never be more close and

loving to each other, than when they are

putting the Lord first in their lives.

Worldly songs  will lead to worldly lust.

 

         c. I John 4:16 tells us, "And we have known and believed the ________ that God hath to ____. ______ is ________; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him."

         d. Romans 5:8 says, "But ______ commendeth his ________ toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

         e. Ephesians 5:2 tells us, "And walk in ________, as ____________ also hath ___________ us."

         f. Ephesians 5:25 says, "________________, ________ your wives, even as ____________ also __________ the church, and gave himself for it."

Note: How sad when a young couple thinks that to get into a romantic mood for their wedding and honeymoon, they need to have worldly love songs sung to them.

 

Worldly love  only seeks to gratify a person’s own flesh.

That means trouble and selfishness ahead for that

marriage. God’s love in a person seeks the

fulfillment of the other  person — not self.

 

There is no greater joy and fulfillment than to know that you are bringing joy and pleasure to the one that you love.

       g. Acts 20:35 tells us, "Remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to ________ than to ______________."

        h. Revelation 4:11 says, "Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy ________________ they are and were created."

        i. I Corinthians 7:3-5 says, "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not __________ of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not __________ of his own body, but the wife. ______________ ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."

Note: The word defraud means, "to deprive of something." (Merriam Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary). When a person starts thinking of himself or herself, instead of his or her mate, then the honeymoon is definitely over. We should think of our mate’s needs — not our own. That is true love.

         j. Revelation 2:4 says, "Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy __________ ________."

         k. I Corinthians 13:4,5 says, "______________ suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity ________________ not ____________, is not puffed up, Doth not ____________ itself unseemly, seeketh not her ______."

Note: You will notice that the word charity is used in that passage — not the word love. There is a good reason for its use here in this chapter that defines love. True love is a love that gives, expecting nothing in return. That is what charity is. When you give to charity, then you expect nothing in return. In the same way, true love is not selfish — it thinks of the other person — not self.

The word vaunt means, "to make a vain display of one’s own worth" (Merriam Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary). A marriage relationship like that is going to experience a lot of trouble.

The definition is summed up in that last verse by saying that charity "seeketh not her own." That is, love seeks the well-being and pleasure of the other person — not self.

Hymns played and sung at a wedding will remind a couple of what real love is. Worldly songs played at a wedding will only get the couple in the world’s self-gratifying mood.

 

The wedding ceremony is the couple’s first

chance to minister  as a family.

Remember, while the groom and bride

are busily involved in a multitude of things,

the guests are doing a lot of waiting.

If the couple has arranged to have psalms, hymns,

and spiritual songs played for their guests as they

wait for the ceremony to begin; and then during

the ceremony; and then also afterwards as

the guests are waiting to be dismissed; it will

have a spiritual impact  upon their guests.

 

Note: Some will no doubt say, "Come on! It is the couple’s special time — it isn’t supposed to be a church service!"

Sad to say, many do look at a wedding in that way. They are not concerned about the souls of men first, but about their own glory at that moment. Because of that, they will experience an emptiness in the end, while those that put God first will experience a joy and fulfillment.

         l. I Corinthians 10:31 says, "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or ____________________ ye do, do ______ to the glory of ______."

         m. Psalm 106:15 says, "And he gave them their request; but sent ________________ into their soul."

         n. Matthew 6:33 tells us, "But seek ye __________ the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

 

The bottom line is this for young couples —

put God first at your wedding ceremony.

Do everything that you can to use the ceremony

to glorify God and bring souls to Him.

 

Note: God can then put His hand upon your honeymoon and marriage and give you joy and pleasure that you never dreamed!

         o. Psalm 37:4 says, "______________ thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the ______________ of thine heart."

         p. Psalm 16:11 tells us, "Thou wilt show me the path of life: in thy presence is ______________ of joy; at thy right hand there are __________________ for evermore."

Illustration: A pastor carefully observed a couple’s plans, and then the fulfillment of their wedding. Hymns were played for the guests as they waited for the wedding to start. All special music during the ceremony was hymns. They requested that the pastor give a clear gospel message. The guests also listened to hymns as they were dismissed. At that wedding, people indicated that they received Jesus Christ as their Savior. That couple was overflowing with joy when they left for their honeymoon!

Note: Start right out in your marriage by putting God first in the wedding ceremony. If you put God first, He will give you fulness of joy. For further information on what is proper Christian music, please see the Bible Course on the subject of Music (#BC-E-108).

 

    1. Where should the wedding be?

    2. Who should pay for the ceremony?

    3. How should the wedding party be dressed?

    4. What should the music be at a wedding?

 

    5. What should the reception be like at a wedding?

Question: Some may ask the question, "Is it really necessary to have a wedding reception? Is it really necessary to provide food and refreshments for the guests that come to the ceremony? After all, doesn’t a wedding cost enough for the tuxes, wedding dress, flowers, decorations, etc., without having to feed all of people who come?"

 

The Bible answer and example is, "Yes, it is proper

to show hospitality and feed the guests that come."

 

Jesus attended a wedding at Cana, and it was a very embarrassing situation for the host family, when they ran out of grape juice.

         a. John 2:1-3 says, "And the third day there was a ______________ in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there: And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage. And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no ________."

Note: The word wine is a generic term in the Bible for products of the vine (grapes, grapejuice, raisins, etc.). The context has to be studied to determine whether the Bible is talking about grapejuice or alcohol. At this wedding, the wine was clearly grapejuice. To see all the reasons why, please see the Bible Course on Drinking Alcoholic Beverages (#BC-E-109).

In a previous booklet dealing with marriage, we have already looked at the passage where the king prepared a marriage for his son, and we have seen that he prepared food for the guests.

         b. Matthew 22:4 says, "Behold, I have ________________ my ____________: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage."

Note: In the Bible, it was always a sign of hospitality to feed your guests.

         c. When the Lord and two angels appeared unto Abraham, the first thing that he did was offer to feed and refresh them. Genesis 18:4,5 says, "Let a little __________, I pray you, be fetched, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree: And I will fetch a morsel of __________, and comfort ye your hearts."

         d. For another good example of hospitality, please read Judges 19:16-21, and fill in the following blanks.

             1.) Verse 17 says, "And when he had lifted up his eyes, he saw a __________________ man in the street."

             2.) Verse 20 says, "And the old man said, Peace be with thee; howsoever let all thy ___________ lie upon me."

             3.) Verse 21 shows us, "So he brought him into his house, and gave provender unto the asses: and they washed their feet, and did _______ and ___________."

 

Some people at the wedding will probably be like the wayfaring man —

coming from a distance away. If they travel

from their homes to honor the young couple at their

wedding, the hospitable thing to do is to feed and

refresh them before they go on their way back home.

 

Note: It is not cheap to feed a whole army of guests, but it does not have to be an elaborate meal. Some simple refreshments for your guests will show your hospitality, and will let them know that you appreciate them coming to the wedding.

Actually, we get out of things much more cheaply today, because our wedding celebrations are very short. In Bible times, the wedding celebration and feast lasted for a whole week!

         e. At Samson’s wedding, in Judges 14:12 we read, "And Samson said unto them, I will now put forth a riddle unto you: if ye can certainly declare it me within the __________ days of the __________ ..."

         f. In that same chapter, verse 17, we read, "And she wept before him the __________ days, while their __________ lasted."

         g. Genesis 29 gives us a glimpse of Jacob’s wedding where he was tricked into marrying Leah. We read in verses 26 and 27, "And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. Fulfil her ________, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years."

Note: It is following the Biblical example to provide food and refreshments for the guests that come to the wedding. If we obey the Bible example, God will bless and provide for our needs to be able to do so.

 

It is interesting to note that when the hosts ran out of grapejuice

at the wedding Jesus attended in Cana,

that He did indeed provide for them, so that they

could be the proper hosts to their guests.

 

         h. Philippians 4:19 says, "But my God shall ____________ all your ________ according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

         i. Mark 9:41 tells us, "For whosoever shall give you a cup of __________ to drink in my name, because ye belong to Christ, verily I say unto you, he shall not lose his ____________."

Note: If the Bible example is to feed the guests at a wedding, then there will be a reward for obeying that example.

If there is music played at the reception, it should be exactly what we covered in the last section — psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs (Ephesians 5:19).

 

Obviously, drinking liquor  and lustful dancing

should not a be part of any Christian’s wedding.

 

Please refer to the Bible Course on Drinking Alcoholic Beverages (#BC-E-109). Drinking and dancing are common partners in sin.

 

1. Where should the wedding be?

2. Who should pay for the ceremony?

3. How should the wedding party be dressed?

4. What should the music be at a wedding?

5. What should the reception be like at a wedding?

 

6. What guests should be invited to the wedding?

Note: The invitation should be open for all who want to come to the wedding, unless there is immorality involved, then a private ceremony would be in order.

Marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and His church, and He invites all to be saved.

         a. Matthew 22:2 says, "The kingdom of ____________ is like unto a certain king, which made a ______________ for his son."

Note: There are so many similarities between marriage and salvation, that the Bible illustrates the kingdom of heaven by giving the story of a marriage.

 

Young couples miss a wonderful opportunity to give

people a chance to hear the gospel and be saved,

when they limit the wedding to certain guests only.

 

         b. II Peter 3:9 says, "The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that ______ should perish, but that ______ should come to ____________________."

         c. Revelation 22:17 says, "And the Spirit and the __________ say, ________. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And __________________ will, let him take the water of life freely."

Note: It is not uncommon to hear of some sort of feud going on in families today — especially with the amount of broken homes. Divorce and remarriage situations make wedding ceremonies especially difficult for the young couple, as ex-husbands and ex-wives have to appear in the same building and in the same pictures.

 

Parents should not put pressure on the young couple

to exclude someone from being invited, just because

it is going to make them (the parents) uncomfortable.

Their wedding can be the turning point for some

lost sinner or wayward Christian, if all are welcome.

 

This is a good reason why the wedding should be held in the church, and that the couple should request that the pastor preach a gospel message to the guests who come. What greater joy could a young couple have, than to see some lost sinner saved, or to see a backslidden Christian restored to fellowship with the Lord at their own wedding? It may very well be the biggest chance of a lifetime for the couple to reach so many people at one time.

 

Illustration: The pastor mentioned previously, was asked by his son to preach the gospel at his wedding. The pastor did, and some time later learned an exciting result. A couple that came to the wedding just happened to have a grandson visiting with them from England, and so he came along with them to the wedding. That grandson later told his grandmother that he had received Christ as his Savior. When the grandmother asked him when he had made that decision, he told her that he had prayed and received the Lord Jesus at the wedding.

 

Imagine that! A boy came all the way from England

to visit his grandparents, and was saved

in a wedding ceremony in the United States, all because a young

couple wanted the gospel preached, and an invitation

to be given at their wedding. If the wedding invitation

had not been open for all to come, then that young

man would not have been able to come

to the wedding and get saved.

 

Question: Does this mean that it is wrong to have people RSVP to the wedding?

 

There is nothing wrong with requesting that people

RSVP, to help you plan approximately how much

food to prepare. But the invitation should make

it clear that all are welcome to come.

 

         d. Hebrews 12:13-15 reminds us, "And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be ____________. Follow __________ with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of ____________________ springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled."

         e. Ephesians 4:30-32 tells us, "And ____________ not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all ____________________, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye ________ one to another, tenderhearted, __________________ one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

 

Do not use a wedding as a time to further bitterness

in the family or between friends. Let God use it

as a time to save sinners, and to heal wounds.

 

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