Name: 112 Marriage Part 3
SKU: BC-E-112
Availability: InStock

Description

This course deals with what you should look for in a young man, whether you have to be in a place where there is a lot of action and young people to find the right mate; whether you should use the dating, courting, or betrothal methods to find the right person to marry, and much more.

Bible Study Course

Marriage Part 3

Welcome to Marriage, Part 3, in the Marriage & Family Series of the Liberty Bible Course. We trust that Part 2 was a blessing and a help to you. This study is written to be used with the KING JAMES BIBLE, otherwise your answers are going to be wrong. Please get your King James Bible, and begin another exciting study in God’s Word, that just might change your life!

Chapter 1

IV. The Choices For Marriage.

Note: In the Bible Course Booklet, Marriage, Part 2, we have previously looked at:

A. Finding the right person to marry.

5. The decision SHOULD be based upon GOD’S WORD.

c. What should you look for in a young lady?

d. What should you look for in a young man?

1.) Does he honor his parents?

a.) Ephesians 6:1-3 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. ____________ thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be ________ with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”

If a young man is rebellious to his parents,

then his life is not going to go well.

That means if a young lady is married to him,

then her life is going to suffer as well.

— What should you look for in a young man?

1.) Does he honor his parents?

2.) Does he appear to be a loving, spiritual leader?

a.) Ephesians 5:22-25 says, “Wives, ____________ yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the ________ of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, ________ your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”

Note: Would you want to marry a mean, unspiritual man? That is going to make it very difficult to submit to him.

Watch a young man. Watch how he treats his own

mother and sister(s). Be willing to admit

what you see. If he is grumpy and mean

to his own family, then he is going to be

the same way in his own marriage someday,

other than by the grace of God.

His home-life tells the real story — so watch!

Note: This is one of the downfalls of young people meeting at college. You cannot observe how they really are around their own families. People can put on a front around new people for months.

b.) Psalm 119:9 says, “Wherewithal shall a __________ man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy ________.”

Note: Does the young man carry his Bible to church? Does he open it? Does he take notes of the preacher’s message? Does he pay attention to the message? Does he lean over on his knees while the preacher is preaching and sleep, or goof off?

How does he act in Sunday School? Flirty? Bored? Interested? Respectful to the teacher? Does he act mature and try to answer the questions that the teacher may ask? Once again — watch!

— What should you look for in a young man?

1.) Does he honor his parents?

2.) Does he appear to be a loving, spiritual leader?

3.) Does he appear to want God to lead him to an occupation, or does money and/or prestige seem to be leading him?

a.) Proverbs 28:20 says, “A faithful man shall abound with blessings: but he that maketh haste to be ________ shall not be __________________.”

b.) Verse 22 of that same chapter says, “He that hasteth to be ________ hath an evil eye, and considereth not that ______________ shall come upon him.”

If you marry a man that is set on getting rich quick,

you may have a husband who is doomed to

bankruptcy — or maybe even to prison.

That is not a pleasant thought for a marriage.

c.) Isaiah 6:8 says, “Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send _____.”

d.) Romans 12:1,2 says, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye ______________ your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, ________ of God.”

Note: You want to find a young man that is willing to do whatever God wants for his life. That will be the most rewarding and fulfilling, and it will also bring the promise that God will meet your needs.

e.) Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for ________ to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his ______________.”

f.) Psalm 37:25 says, “I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous ________________, nor his seed ______________ bread.”

g.) Philippians 4:19 says, “But my God shall supply all your ________ according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

— What should you look for in a young man?

1.) Does he honor his parents?

2.) Does he appear to be a loving, spiritual leader?

3.) Does he appear to want God to lead him to an occupation, or is money and prestige leading him?

4.) Does he appear to be ambitious?

a.) Colossians 3:23 says, “And whatsoever ye do, do it ________________, as to the Lord, and not unto men.”

Note: The word heartily means “in a sincere, enthusiastic, vigorous, wholehearted manner.” (Merriam Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary)

b.) II Thessalonians 3:10 says, “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not ________, neither should he eat.”

c.) The next verses states, “For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, ______________ not at all, but are busybodies.”

Note: Throughout the Bible, God uses ambitious men — not lazy ones. God have mercy upon the young lady who finds herself married to a lazy man. Her life is going to be hard. A bumper sticker was seen on a truck which read, “Some people like to fish — Other people get jobs — I fish!” Make sure you get a man who gets a job!

— What should you look for in a young man?

1.) Does he honor his parents?

2.) Does he appear to be a loving, spiritual leader?

3.) Does he appear to want God to lead him to an occupation, or is money and prestige leading him?

4.) Does he appear to be ambitious?

5.) Does he appear modest and proper in his appearance?

Note: Please refer to Bible Course BC-E-106, The Christian’s Appearance, for a thorough study of how men, women, boys, and girls should dress. You will read there of the instances of improperly dressed men, and the consequences that it brings upon families. God expects both men and women to be dressed modestly.

— What should you look for in a young man?

1.) Does he honor his parents?

2.) Does he appear to be a loving, spiritual leader?

3.) Does he appear to want God to lead him to an occupation, or is money and prestige leading him?

4.) Does he appear to be ambitious?

5.) Does he appear modest and proper in his appearance?

Note: Once again, these are just some things to get you thinking about what the Bible teaches a young man to be.

6.) The decision SHOULD be based upon GOD’S LEADING.

a.) Psalm 27:11 says, “Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a __________ path, because of mine enemies.”

b.) Psalm 5:8 says, “________ me, O LORD, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before my face.”

God will never lead you contrary

to what the Bible teaches.

Note: Many people fail to catch the importance of consulting the Bible for direction. MOST PEOPLE LET CIRCUMSTANCES LEAD THEM INTO MARRIAGE. They happen to meet someone that is attractive, and begin dating, even though the Bible would forbid such a relationship.

Question: What led the wise men to Jesus? Was it really just a star? Are you sure? Please read Matthew 2:1-12 to find the answer.

c.) Verses 1,2 say, “Now when Jesus was born in __________________ of Judaea in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to __________________, Saying, __________ is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his ________ in the east, and are come to worship him.”

Note: Please notice that it clearly says that Jesus was born in Bethlehem. But the wise men went to Jerusalem. And what did they ask when they got there? “Where is he that is born King of the Jews?”

The wise men had no idea where Jesus was. The star (circumstances) got their attention, but it was not enough to help them find Him.

d.) Verses 3-6 say, “When Herod the king had heard these things, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him. And when he had gathered all the chief ______________ and ____________ of the people together, he demanded of them __________ Christ should be born. And they said unto him, In __________________ of Judaea: for thus it is written by the ______________, And thou Bethlehem, in the land of Juda, art not the least among the princes of Juda: for out of thee shall come a Governor, that shall rule my people Israel.”

Note: What was at Jerusalem that the wise men needed to find Jesus? The Bible. God got their attention by the star in the east (circumstances), but He would not allow them to be led directly there, until the Bible was consulted.

Once the Bible was consulted to give direction, then God allowed circumstances (the star) to pinpoint the exact spot in Bethlehem.

e.) Verses 8 and 9 say, “And he sent them to __________________, and said, Go and search diligently for the young child; and when ye have found him, bring me word again, that I may come and worship him also. When they had heard the king, they departed; and, lo, the ________, which they saw in the east, ________ ____________ them, till it came and __________ over where the young child was.”

The star did not move, until the wise men had been

instructed from God’s Word. When they obeyed the

Word of God, then the star began to move, and to

show them exactly where the Messiah was born.

Note: God is never going to lead you to the right husband or wife through circumstances alone. If you want His clear direction, then you are going to have to consult His Word.

What if a young person is too far out in the sticks?

How will he/she ever find the right one to marry?

Note: Do you remember how David got to be the King of Israel? Read I Samuel 16:1-13, and answer the following questions.

f.) Verse 1 says, “And the LORD said unto Samuel, How long wilt thou mourn for ________, seeing I have ________________ him from reigning over Israel? fill thine horn with oil, and go, I will send thee to __________ the Bethlehemite: for I have provided me a king among his ________.”

g.) Verses 6,7 say, “And it came to pass, when they were come, that he looked on __________, and said, Surely the Lord’s anointed is before him. But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the _____________ of his stature; because I have ______________ him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the __________.”

h.) Verses 8-10 say, “Then Jesse called Abinadab, and made him pass before Samuel. And he said, ______________ hath the LORD chosen this. Then Jesse made Shammah to pass by. And he said, ______________ hath the LORD chosen this. Again, Jesse made seven of his sons to pass before Samuel. And Samuel said unto Jesse, The LORD hath _______ chosen these.”

i.) Verse 11 says, “And Samuel said unto Jesse, Are here ______ thy children? And he said, There remaineth yet the ________________, and, behold, he keepeth the __________. And Samuel said unto Jesse, Send and fetch him: for we will not sit down till he ________ hither.”

j.) Verse 12 says, “And he sent, and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, and withal of a beautiful countenance, and goodly to look to. And the LORD said, Arise, ____________ him: for this is ____.”

Note: David was anointed to be the next king, but did you notice what happened? All of his brothers got to go to town to see Samuel — except David. He was the youngest, and had to stay home and watch the sheep.

What if David would have thought, “Hey, this is not fair! All of my brothers get to go to town, and I’m stuck at home with the sheep! I think I’ll get a neighbor boy to watch the sheep for me, and I’ll just sneak into town. I’ll keep in the background, but at least I’ll be able to see what is going on there.”

What if David would have done that? He would have been in big trouble when he was not back with the sheep like he was supposed to be. And, in fact, if he would have done that, God would not have chosen him to be the next king. Why? Remember what verse 7 said, “The LORD looketh on the heart.” The Lord chose David because his heart was right.

k.) II Chronicles 16:9 says, “For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose __________ is perfect toward him.”

l.) Do you want to make sure that you are not left behind in the best things for your life? Then obey Ephesians 6:1-3, “”Children, ________ your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be ________ with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.”

Many times young people think that they need to be somewhere special,

where there is a lot of people

and a lot of action, or else they think that they will

get left behind in finding the right mate.

Note: To find the best mate, do young people really have to be at a popular college where there are nice buildings and dozens, or even hundreds, of young ladies and young men from which to choose? Colleges advertise heavily to attract Christian young people there to find mates. Their literature often shows a young man and a young woman walking together, or sitting somewhere together. Will you really be able to find God’s best if you are not there?

On the other hand, do young people really have to be at a church with the biggest and the most active youth group to find the right mate? Is that where the best ones will be?

Is David just an exception? A young man who stayed home and obeyed his father? A young man who found the best for his life, even though he was not where all the action was? No, David is not an exception.

Where was Elisha when a helper and eventual replacement was needed for Elijah? Read I Kings 19 and fill in the blanks below.

m.) Verse 16 says, “…and ____________ the son of Shaphat of Abelmeholah shalt thou anoint to be ______________ in thy room.”

n.) Notice where Elijah found Elisha in verses 19 and 20, “So he departed thence, and found Elisha the son of Shaphat, who was ______________ with twelve yoke of oxen before him, and he with the twelfth: and Elijah passed by him, and cast his mantle upon him. And he left the oxen, and ran after Elijah, and said, Let me, I pray thee, kiss my ____________ and my ____________, and then I will follow thee.”

Note: When a helper and replacement was sought for Elijah, where did God find one? He looked for another young man who was at home being obedient to his parents. Elisha was not where all the action was. Elisha was out plowing in the field for his dad. And when the time came to leave home, he did not act disrespectful to his parents, and yell out, “Finally — I’m out’a here!” That is not at all what he did. He went and kissed his parents. He had been obedient to them, and he loved them. Because of that, God blessed him.

What may seem really unusual to many, is that when God chose a replacement for Elijah, He did not pick one from a college at all.

o.) II Kings 2:3 says, “And the sons of the prophets that were at ____________ came forth to Elisha, and said unto him, Knowest thou that the LORD will take away thy master from thy head to day? And he said, Yea, I know it; hold ye your peace.”

p.) II Kings 2:5 says, “And the sons of the prophets that were at ______________ came to Elisha, and said unto him, Knowest thou that the LORD will take away thy master from thy head to day? And he answered, Yea, I know it; hold ye your peace.”

q.) II Kings 2:7 says, “And __________ men of the sons of the prophets went, and stood to view afar off: and they two stood by Jordan.”

Note: When God chose a replacement for Elijah, He did not choose one from the sons of the prophets. You would have thought that one of them would have been the natural choice. But remember, God looks at the heart — not at the degree.

If a young person has a pure heart,

and is obedient to his/her parents,

that one need never fear about missing out

on God’s best in life — including the best mate.

r.) This does not mean that God blesses ignorance. God commands us in II Timothy 2:15, “__________ to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

s.) But it is possible, even in a college setting where young people are busy serving the Lord, to not be spending time with the Lord. Martha found herself in that position in Luke 10:38-42.

1. Verse 38 says, “Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named ____________ received him into her house.”

2. Verse 39 says, “And she had a sister called ________, which also sat at __________ feet, and heard his ________.”

3. Verse 40 says, “But Martha was ________________ about much ______________, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.”

4. Verses 41,42 says, “And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is ______________: and ________ hath chosen that ________ part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

Note: Wherever you are, you need to learn to spend time alone with God. God is looking for pure hearts to bless.

Review:

1. If a young man is rebellious to his parents, then his life is not going to go ________.

2. That means if a young lady is married to him, then her life is going to ____________ as well.

3. If a young man is grumpy and mean to his mother, sisters, and family, then he is going to be the same way in his own ________________ someday, other than by the grace of God.

4. Proverbs 28:20 says, “A faithful man shall abound with blessings: but he that maketh haste to be ________ shall not be ________________.”

5. Colossians 3:23 says, “And whatsoever ye do, do it ________________, as to the Lord, and not unto men.”

6. II Thessalonians 3:10 says, “…that if any would not ________, neither should he eat.”

7. Throughout the Bible, God uses ambitious men — not ________ ones.

8. God will never lead you contrary to what the __________ teaches.

9. The ________ did not move, until the wise men had been instructed from God’s ________.

10. David was not just an exception — one who stayed home and obeyed his parents, and still found God’s best for his life. God’s replacement for Elijah, whose name was ____________, was doing the very same thing.

11. If a young person has a _______ heart, and is obedient to his/her parents, that one need never fear about missing out on God’s best in life — including the best ________.

Chapter 2

IV. The Choices For Marriage.

A. Finding the right person to marry.

B. Committing to the right person for marriage.

Note: There are three basic ways that people have chosen to try and find a husband or wife. Some have used the DATING method. Others have tried the COURTING method. Still others have followed the BETROTHAL method. What does the Bible teach about it?

1. Should you use the DATING method?

Note: Dating is defined as “a social engagement between two persons of the opposite gender” (Merriam Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary).

Dating is normally an unchaperoned time

when a young couple is alone together. They often

hold each other’s hands, put their arms around

each other, kiss, etc. Is that the best way

to find the right one to marry?

No, it is not. First, the Bible forbids a man to touch a woman in that way, unless that woman is his wife.

1. I Corinthians 7:1,2 says, “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man ______ to __________ a __________. Nevertheless, to avoid ______________________, let every man have his own ________, and let every woman have her own husband.”

2. Proverbs 6:27-29 says, “Can a man take ________ in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon ______ coals, and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbour’s ________; whosoever ________________ her shall ______ be ________________.”

Note: Do you remember who Jesus said our neighbor is? Is it just the person next door? Read Luke 10:26-37, and fill in the following blanks.

3. Verses 26, 27 say “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy __________________ as thyself.”

4. When asked who our neighbors are in verse 29, Jesus responded with a story about a man who “fell among ______________, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him ________ dead.” (vs. 30)

5. Two of the people who passed by would not do anything to help the injured man, “But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had ____________________ on him.” (vs. 33)

6. Jesus asked them, “Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was __________________ unto him that fell among the thieves? And he said, He that showed __________ on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and ____ thou ________________.” (vss. 36,37)

Your neighbor’s wife is any woman that will not

be your wife some day. You only have the right

to lovingly touch one woman — your wife.

If you do otherwise, then you are

sinning against your neighbor.

7. Exodus 20:17 tells us one of the Ten Commandments, which is, “…thou shalt not __________ thy neighbour’s ________.”

Note: If you date a young lady, that is no guarantee that you are going to marry her some day. But you may get feelings worked up for her, and she may end up marrying another man. That means that you are desiring to have someone that is going to be your neighbor’s wife — that is sin.

One of the major problems of dating, is that it is

based upon trial and error. It is entered with

no promises, and so can be lightly discarded.

The problem is the precedent that it sets.

Note: “Date?…Problems?…Then drop him!” “Date?…Problems?… Then drop her!” “Date again?…More problems?…Then drop him!” Finally, after years of dating relationships, “Marriage?… Problems?…Stay together?…No way!…I’m out’a here!”

WHY DO WE EXPECT ANY DIFFERENTLY? THAT HAS BEEN THE PRECEDENT SET BY YEARS OF DATING. Why are we so surprised when couples seem to have so little commitment to make marriage work? If we allow dating, then we are part of the problem.

Another major problem of dating is that it is based

upon experience — not love and trust.

Note: Someone says, “Are you trying to tell me that I should never kiss until after I am married? You have got to be kidding! What if I do not like the way that he kisses after we are married? What do I do then?”

That is the old philosophy, “If I cannot experience it, how will I know if I like it?” That is a foolish and deadly philosophy. What if a person did that with a bottle of poison? That is the same foolish philosophy that Solomon tried with women, and he found it more bitter than death.

8. I Kings 11:3 tells us that Solomon had “…__________ hundred wives, princesses, and ____________ hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.”

9. Was Solomon happy with his philosophy of having to have every beautiful woman to be his wife? He said in Ecclesiastes 7:26, “And I find more ____________ than __________ the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the ____________ shall be __________ by her.”

Note: If you have never experienced kissing anyone else, then you do not have to worry about comparing your husband or wife’s kissing ability to anyone else’s. You will simply learn together. And you will thus be contented together.

The dating method does not improve this potential problem, but actually makes it worse. Because the guy with the most handsome face, may not be the best kisser. And the man with the strongest arms may not have the most handsome face, etc.

Dating sets you up in the mode to compare everyone

to each other. And you will probably never find

all the best traits in one person.

So what will you do — marry all three?

10. II Corinthians 10:12 says, “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or ______________ ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and __________________ themselves among themselves, are ______ ________.”

B. Committing to the right person for marriage.

1. Should you use the DATING method?

2. Should you use the COURTING method?

Note: Courting is normally thought of in Christian circles as “a chaperoned social event, by a couple that is fully qualified to marry each other.” The parents are normally involved in the decision, and marriage is hopefully in the future of the young couple, but there is no definite commitment.

It sounds like the perfect setup, but it is really just a compromise between what is definitely wrong (unchaperoned dating) and what is Biblical (commitment before emotions are stirred).

Illustration: A pastor and his wife had two children who were ready to court at the same time.

The parents of a young man came to the pastor and his wife, and told them of their son’s interest in their daughter. The parents talked over the matter of the two young people, and approved of a courtship to begin after high school graduation. The idea of the courtship was to hopefully result in the marriage of the two young people.

The pastor and his wife also had a son (who had previously graduated) who was interested in a young lady who was to graduate that spring. The pastor and his wife met with the young lady’s parents about that situation, and a courtship was approved by both parents to begin after graduation.

Everything seemed to be perfect. The parents had met first, before any discussion of dating or courting had taken place between the young people involved. Both parents had fully approved of the other young person.

The pastor watched his son and his daughter in their

respective courtship’s, and was puzzled at what he

saw. He could not sense that the couples were

falling in love, but that they were keeping distant

in their relationships. He sensed that something

was wrong, but he did not know what it was.

The pastor finally realized what was happening. His children had been taught to never give their hearts away and become attached to anyone other than their husband or wife. Even though the courtship’s were intended to result in marriage — there was no guarantee that they would. Thus, his children were holding back on any emotional attachment. They were only doing what they had been trained to do.

At this point, the pastor really felt bad as to the situation in which he had placed his children, and he praised God for their integrity to still guard their hearts. He had unknowingly placed his children in a situation where he was encouraging them to fall in love with young people that could very well one day be someone else’s husband or wife. He suddenly realized that was sin — to try and fall in love with someone that may one day be another person’s husband or wife.

The pastor then looked up the word court in the

dictionary, and was aghast when he found this

definition, “conduct or attention intended to

win favor or dispel hostility; to allure,

tempt; to seek the affections of.”

(Merriam Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary).

He thought that courting was the Biblical way to

find a mate, but then he found out that it placed

young couples in the position of tempting

and alluring one another.

Note: In a courting situation, where a couple would be considering each other for marriage, would they not be entertaining the wrong thoughts about each other? Who has ever considered someone for marriage, and has not thought about being in his/her arms? Or about what it would be like to kiss that one? You should only ever think about those things in regard to your husband or wife — no one else. To do otherwise is clearly sin.

a. Matthew 5:27,28 says, “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever ______________ on a woman to ________ after her hath committed __________________ with her already ____ his __________.”

b. Proverbs 4:23 says, “________ thy __________ with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

c. II Timothy 2:22 says, “Flee also ________________ __________: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a ________ __________.”

Courting is another trail that leads to broken hearts.

Note: Have you ever heard of a young couple breaking up, and one of them having a broken heart over it? If you have lived very long, you have seen many such situations. It makes everyone feel sorry for the heart-broken person. Should we feel sorry for that person?

What we should realize is that IT IS A VERY SERIOUS SIN TO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE THAT IS NOT OUR OWN HUSBAND OR WIFE.

d. Remember what I Corinthians 7:1,2 says? “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to __________ a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid ______________________, let every man have his ______ ________, and let every woman have her ______ ______________.”

Note: Those verses do not say, “Let every one have his own girlfriend,” or “her own boyfriend.” The fact of the matter is that we are not really looking honestly at the matter of dating and courting.

It is a very serious sin to be broken-hearted over

the loss of a boyfriend or girlfriend — because no one

should be emotionally attached to someone of the opposite gender,

unless that someone is your husband or wife.

Dating and courting both try and stir up emotions that are not scriptural, until a couple is considered husband and wife.

e. Three times in the Book, Song of Solomon, we find this same statement made as is in 8:4, “I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that ye ________ ______ ____, nor __________ my ________, until he please.”

Note: It is wrong to stir up that feeling in people, until there is a definite commitment made for marriage.

B. Committing to the right person for marriage.

1. Should you use the DATING method?

2. Should you use the COURTING method?

3. Should you use the BETROTHAL method?

Note: The pastor looked up the word betrothal in the dictionary, and found this definition, “a mutual promise or contract for a future marriage.” (Merriam Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary).

Now the pastor began to realize why marriages in

the Bible were arranged by betrothal — not by dating

or by courtship. It was not just a custom of that day

— it was because that is the only scriptural way

there is to find a husband or wife without

sinning inwardly and/or outwardly.

Question: If you cannot date or court a person, then how do you ever find the right one? You do it by faith.

a. Romans 10:17 tells us, “So then __________ ____________ by hearing, and hearing by the ________ of ______.”

Note: Remember, faith is NOT a blind leap in the dark. It is something solid and sure.

b. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now __________ is the __________________ of things hoped for, the ________________ of things not seen.”

c. II Corinthians 5:7 tells us, “(For we walk by __________, ______ by __________:)”

Note: What you need to lead you to the right husband or wife is the Bible — God’s Word.

d. Isaiah 40:8 says, “The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the ________ of our ______ shall __________ for ________.”

e. Hebrews 6:19 tells us, “Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both ________ and ________________, and which entereth into that within the veil.”

The Bible teaches us to first observe people, and to

find someone with the right scriptural qualifications

to make a good husband or wife. Then, the parents

should get together and see if there is a mutual desire

to make a commitment to marriage (this includes

not only the consent of the parents, but also the willing

consent of the two young persons involved). If all

parties are willing, then the betrothal (the engagement)

should be made. At that point, the Bible refers to

the couple as husband and wife. Then, they may begin

a chaperoned courtship until the wedding day.

Note: Now we are going to cover that long statement point-by-point, and see what the Scriptures say about each of those points.

First, observe young people in a family setting

— not as paired off couples.

Dating and courting sets a couple up in a fairy tale world. Anyone can put on a show on a date. Anyone can act polite for a few hours. What you really need to see is how they treat their family — their parents and brothers and sisters — the people with whom they have lived. Because once that person has lived with you for some time, that is exactly how he/she is going to act, for better or for worse (other than by the grace of God).

So before a couple gets emotionally attached, families should fellowship together as families. Invite families over for times of fellowship. Does the young man belch out loud at the table in his own home? Would you want your daughter to marry him?

f. Psalm 59:7, 8 refers to such people as acting like the heathen, “Behold, they __________ out with their mouth: swords are in their lips: for who, say they, doth hear? But thou, O LORD, shalt laugh at them; thou shalt have all the ________________ in derision.”

Note: When you are fellowshipping with a fellow Christian family, does the young lady help her mother prepare the meal and set the table? Does she look like she is prepared to be a virtuous wife? Or does it appear that your son will be dropping in at home quite often so he can have a decent home-cooked meal?

g. Proverbs 31:10-31 gives us a glimpse of the virtuous woman, and in verse 15 it says, “She ____________ also while it is yet night, and ____________ ________ to her __________________, and a portion to her maidens.”

Note: While you are fellowshipping in homes as families, you can observe how the young people treat their parents, and brothers and sisters. This is one of the most important indications of their real character, and of the future course of their lives.

h. Ephesians 6:1-3 says, “________________, ________ your ______________ in the Lord: for this is right. ____________ thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be ________ with thee, and thou mayest ________ ________ on the earth.”

Note: None of these things can be observed in a dating or courtship atmosphere. You need to observe the young people in their home and in group settings. Are they easily swayed with the crowd to be mischievous, or do they really have character and willing to stand alone?

i. Exodus 23:2 says, “Thou shalt ______ ____________ a __________________ to do ________.”

Second, when a prospective young person

is observed, the parents should get together

and talk about the matter.

Note: Samson is certainly not a good role model for young people today, but even he did not attempt to arrange a marriage for himself. He went to his dad with the request. Please read Judges 14:1-3, and fill in the following blanks.

j. Verse 2 says, “I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines: now therefore ______ ______ for me to ________.”

k. In verse 3, Samson should have listened to his dad, but he did not, and said, “______ ______ for ____; for she pleaseth me well.”

Note: To see an example of what can happen when a young man tries to arrange a marriage for himself, please read Genesis chapters 27 and 28, and fill in the following blanks.

l. Jacob’s mother encouraged him to lie to his dad, but he said in 27:12, “My father peradventure will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a ________________.”

m. Jacob went ahead and listened to his mother’s bad advice and lied to his dad, and 27:41 tells us, “And Esau __________ Jacob because of the blessing wherewith his father blessed him: and Esau said in his heart, The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then will I ________ my brother Jacob.”

n. In 27:42-28:2, we find that Rebekah devises a plan to get her son Jacob safely away to her brother’s house. In 27:46 it says, “And Rebekah said to Isaac, I am __________ of my life because of the __________________ of Heth: if Jacob take a wife of the daughters of Heth, such as these which are of the daughters of the land, what ________ shall my ________ do me?”

Note: It was heavy upon Isaac and Rebekah’s hearts about the girls that Esau had chosen to marry.

o. Genesis 26:34,35 tells us, “And ________ was forty years old when ____ ________ to ________ ____________ the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and __________________ the daughter of Elon the Hittite: Which were a __________ of ________ unto Isaac and to Rebekah.”

Note: It is a heavy, heavy burden to Christian parents when their children marry unsaved or unspiritual young people. Young people would do well to have their parents be an active part in the important choice of selecting a life’s partner.

Note: But in the situation we are looking at here with Jacob, his mother has counseled him to lie to his dad. Because of that, his brother now wants to kill him. So to find a good reason to get him away safely, Rebekah brings up a matter with which she knows that her husband Isaac will agree. And that is, send away Jacob to her home land to find a wife. That will keep him from being tempted to marry unsaved girls like Esau did, and it will also get Jacob away from Esau so he will not be harmed.

p. Isaac picks up on the idea, and tells Jacob in 28:2, “Arise, ____ to Padanaram, to the house of Bethuel thy mother’s father; and ________ ________ a ________ from thence of the daughters of Laban thy mother’s brother.”

Note: Although it may have seemed like the perfect plan to Rebekah, it was really going to put Jacob out there all alone trying to find a wife, and would open him up to trouble and deception.

Question: What is the difference between this situation, and the way in which Isaac married Rebekah? The difference is that Abraham was wiser than to send Isaac out to find his own wife. Abraham sent out his trusted servant to do the job. Please read Genesis 24:1-4, and fill in the following blanks.

q. Verses 2-4 say, “And Abraham said unto his ____________ ______________ of his house, that __________ over ______ that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto ____ ______________, and to my kindred, and ________ a ________ unto my son __________.”

Note: Abraham sent out his eldest servant to look for a wife for Isaac. The servant was the one who ruled over all that he had. He was someone who would be looking for the practical qualities which are important as to the duties of a wife. Please read Genesis chapter 24, and fill in the following blanks.

r. Verse 10 tells us that, “the servant took ______ camels” with him.

s. Verse 11 says, “And he made his camels to __________ ________ without the city by a ________ of water at the time of the evening, even the ________ that __________ go out to draw water.”

t. In verse 14, the servant prays to the Lord and says, “And let it come to pass, that the ____________ to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that __ may __________; and she shall say, Drink, and __ will ________ thy ____________ __________ also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast showed kindness unto my master.”

Note: The servant was looking for an ambitious, hospitable wife for Isaac. One who would not only do the minimum that was asked (give the servant a drink), but would see the other needs (like the camels which needed watering) and would volunteer on her own to water them, too.

Please notice that the servant did not ask for a beauty queen for Isaac. He was old enough to know that a pretty face does not necessarily make a good wife. Because he asked for the important qualities, God granted the other things in His grace.

u. Verse 16 tells us, “And the damsel was ________ ________ to look upon.”

v. Psalm 37:4 tells us, “________________ ______________ also in the ________; and he shall give thee the ______________ of thine __________.”

Note: If you will put God first, He can do some wonderful things for you in life that you would never even expect.

w. Ephesians 3:20 says, “Now unto him that is able to do __________________ __________________ __________ ______ that we ______ or __________, according to the power that worketh in us.”

Note: Isaac and Rebekah are far from the perfect example of marriage (Isaac lied about Rebekah being his wife; Rebekah counseled Jacob to lie to his dad; Isaac and Rebekah played favorites with their children; etc., — they both had their share of faults, as do all of us).

What is very interesting, though, is that Isaac is one

of the very few in the Old Testament who only had

one wife. Evidently, he felt the servant had made

a good choice for him. It makes one wonder how

much longer marriages would last today, if the

choosing process involved some people of age,

wisdom, and experience. How about the parents?

Now, back to Jacob being sent out on his own to find a wife, what did he do? How did he go about choosing a wife, and how did the process go? Was it (and is it still) wise to send a young man out on his own to find a wife?

x. Genesis 29:10,11, shows a rare thing in the Bible when it states, “And Jacob ____________ Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.”

Note: That was a very unusual greeting to see in the Scripture — a young man kissing a young lady. But it is a common thing to see today, when a young man goes off to find his own wife.

y. Genesis 29:14 says that Jacob stayed with Laban “the space of a __________.”

z. In verse 15, Laban realizes that Jacob should not be working for him for nothing, and so asks, “Tell me, what shall thy __________ be?”

a. Verse 16 tells us that Laban had two daughters, and verse 17 describes them, “Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was __________________ and ________ favoured.”

b. Verse 18 reveals which one he chose, “And Jacob __________ ____________; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.”

Jacob chose a wife on the basis of looks. He chose

according to the outward appearance — just like

most young men will do, if they are sent out

to find a wife for themselves.

c. Proverbs 31:30 says, “Favour is deceitful, and ____________ is ________: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.”

— Please read Genesis 29:20-28, and fill in the following blanks.

d. Verse 23 reveals that Laban tricked Jacob, “And it came to pass in the evening, that he took ________ his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her.”

e. Verse 25 shows what happened, “And it came to pass, that in the ______________, behold, it was ________: and he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for ____________? wherefore then hast thou ________________ me?”

f. In verse 26, Laban gave the excuse, “It must not be so done in our ______________, to give the ______________ before the __________________.”

g. Laban’s way to fix the problem is found in verses 27,28, “Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet __________ __________ __________. And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him ______________ his daughter to wife also.”

Note: So here we find a young man out on his own finding a wife. He first chooses a wife on the wrong basis — the outward appearance. Then, after having his heart set on one girl for seven years — he gets tricked and ends up marrying another girl. And then, he is told that the way to make things right is to also marry the other girl that he loved. So now he ends up with two wives, and a home full of fighting and turmoil.

h. Verse 31 tells us, “And when the LORD saw that _________ was hated, he opened her ________: but ____________ was ____________.”

i. In chapter 30:1, we see trouble in the home, “And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel ____________ her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.”

j. Because of the bickering between the sisters, Jacob finds himself with two more wives (or concubines — wives of a lower status), according to 30:3,9, the names of these wives were, ____________ (vs. 3) and ____________ (vs. 9).

Note: So this young man sent out on his own to find a wife for himself, now finds himself with four wives, and a house of trouble!

Many young men today are sent out on their own

to find a wife, just like Jacob. And they find

themselves in a similar situation — married

with a house full of turmoil, so they go get

another wife (after a divorce), thinking

that it will cure the problem, but it does not.

What they are left with is a trail of women fighting

and bickering over their money and their children.

Parents should be involved in the decision of finding a husband or wife for their children, but that does not mean that the children themselves have no say in the matter.

k. Genesis 24:58 says “And they called ______________, and said unto her, Wilt thou ____ with this man? And she said, __ ________ go.”

Note: The children should be involved in the decision, and should never be forced to marry against their will.

When the parents and children have agreed that a certain person meets the qualifications for marriage, and when the parents talk and agree with the marriage of their two children, then a betrothal or engagement should be made — before any courting is done. Remember, courting is a period of “seeking the affections of” (this does not mean that they touch each other yet, but simply that it is okay now to fall in love). We should never seek the affections of anyone other than our husband or wife.

The reason that it is okay to court during the

engagement period, is because the Bible refers

to them at that point as husband and wife.

l. Matthew 1:18 says, “Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was ________________ to Joseph, ____________ they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.”

Note: Espoused means “betrothed.” (Merriam Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary). Joseph and Mary were engaged. They had not been immoral with each other, but Joseph thought that Mary had been unfaithful to him, because she was expecting a baby.

m. The next verse says, “Then Joseph her ______________, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily.”

n. Verse 20 says, “fear not to take unto thee Mary thy ________.”

Note: Notice that Joseph is called Mary’s husband, and Mary is called Joseph’s wife, even though they had not gone through the official wedding ceremony yet. They were just engaged at this point.

You will also notice from those verses that the engagement period was so binding, that it could only be broken by an official divorce. There were some practical reasons for this, seeming in Bible times there was often a large exchange of money, etc., when a marriage was arranged. So there had to be an official settlement, if the engagement was terminated. This shows us the seriousness of an engagement, and that it is not to be broken lightly.

God’s way is betrothal (engagement). God’s way

results in no broken hearts, no impure thoughts,

and never falling in love with someone that is going

to be another person’s husband or wife.

God’s way is the way of no regrets!

Question: How are you supposed to love someone with whom you have never dated? How do you really know if he/she is the right one, if you have never spent time alone with that one?

First, marriage is compared to the relationship between Christ and His church — that is us who are Christians.

o. Ephesians 5:31-33 says, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning ____________ and the ____________.”

How did we become the Bride of Christ? Did we see

our Groom (our Savior) before we entered into a

relationship with Him? No. We love Him — right now,

but we have never even seen Him.

p. I Peter 1:7-9 says, “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ: Whom having not ________, ye ________; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls.”

Note: How could we ever love Him without seeing Him? We did not enter into a relationship with our Groom (our Savior) by sight — but by faith in what God’s Word says.

q. Romans 10:17 says, “So then __________ cometh by hearing, and hearing by the ________ of God.”

Note: If we were willing to take our Savior forever, based completely upon what the Bible says about Him, then we certainly can trust the Bible when it gives the qualifications on what husband or wife we should take. We should be led to a life’s partner BY GOD’S WORD — NOT BY SIGHT OR BY FEELINGS. In other words, if you will determine the right qualifications for a life’s partner from God’s Word, then you will find the right kind of husband or wife.

Herein has been the problem of many parents getting involved in making a betrothal for their children. They are afraid that they are not going to know who their children would really love, and with which their children would really get along. Those parents need to realize that it is not a decision based upon their own judgment, but upon God’s Word.

Note: Consider the very first example of a husband and wife — the decision was left totally in God’s hands.

r. Genesis 2:18 says, “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; ___ will make him an help meet for him.”

s. Genesis 2:22 says, “And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, ________ he a woman, and ______________ her unto the man.”

Note: You will notice that God did not ask Adam what he wanted for a wife. God did not ask, “Adam, would you like a brunette, blond, or redhead?” God did not ask, “Adam, would you like a wife with blue eyes, brown eyes, green eyes, or a blend?” God did not ask, “Adam, would you like a tall wife, short wife, or medium-height wife?” God did not ask, “Adam, would you like a skinny wife, plump wife, or medium wife?” God did not ask, “Adam, would you like a fair-skinned or dark-complected wife?” God did not ask, “Adam, would you like a wife with a long nose, short nose, medium nose, or pug nose?” God did not ask, “Adam, would you like a wife with a soprano or an alto voice?”

God did not have to ask Adam what he liked,

because God knew what best suited Adam.

Are we any different? Do we think that we could even

come close to knowing more than God in the matter

of who would make us the best husband or wife?

God’s way to find the right husband or wife is to CHOSE ONE BASED UPON BIBLICAL QUALIFICATIONS. When such a person is found, and the parents and the young people all give their consent in the matter, then a betrothal or engagement should be made. After that, a chaperoned courtship may proceed until the wedding ceremony.

Review:

1. ____________ is normally an unchaperoned time when a young couple is alone together.

2. I Corinthians 7:1,2 says “It is good for a man not to __________ a woman” (that he is not married to), so… “let every man have his own wife.”

3. Your neighbor’s wife is any woman that will not be _________ wife some day.

4. One of the major problems of dating is that it is based upon trial and __________.

5. Dating sets people up in the mode to ______________ everyone to each other.

6. The word court means, “conduct or attention intended to win favor or dispel hostility; to ___________, tempt; to seek the ____________________ of.”

7. We should not feel sorry for someone who is broken-hearted over the loss of a boyfriend or girlfriend, because it is a very serious ______ to fall in love with someone that is not your husband or wife.

8. The word betrothal means, “a mutual ______________ or contract for a future marriage.”

9. Marriages in the Bible were arranged by betrothal, because that is the only scriptural way there is to find a husband or wife without sinning ________________ and/or outwardly.

10. The best way to see what someone is really like, is in a ____________ setting — not as paired-off couples.

11. Isaac is one of the very few in the Old Testament who only had ______ wife. Evidentially he felt that the servant had made a good choice for his wife.

12. Jacob was sent out to find a wife for himself, and he chose her on the basis of __________, just like most young men do.

13. The reason that it is okay to court during the engagement (betrothal) period, is because the Bible refers to them at that point as ______________ and ________.

14. God’s way (betrothal or engagement) results in no ____________ hearts, no ____________ thoughts, and never falling in love with someone that is going to be another person’s ______________ or ________.

Final Test

Marriage Part 3

When you are finished, please return the entire booklet back to us for grading. When it is graded, the booklet will be returned to you, along with the next booklet on marriage. May God richly guide you and give you wisdom from your study of this subject!