Chapter 2
VI. The Problems In Marriage.
A. Your Self.
B. Your Spouse.
1. An unsaved or unspiritual spouse.
2. A spouse that has left his/her first love for you.
a. Proverbs 18:24 says, "A man that hath friends must ________ himself ________________: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."
It is up to us to treat others friendly first — even those we live with who are not being kind to us.
b. Matthew 7:12 says, “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to ______, do ye even so to ________: for this is the law and the prophets.”
Note: We must remember that in all of these situations in life, we are responsible to obey the Lord — whether anyone else does or not. These are not things to just try — these are things to do.
c. Galatians 6:7-9 says, “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man ____________, that shall he also ________. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in ________ doing: for in due season we shall ________, if we faint not.”
There is a reward even greater than our spouses being kind and loving back to us,
and that is standing before the Lord one day having done as He commanded.
d. Romans 5:6-8 says, “For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his ________ toward us, in that, while we were ______ sinners, Christ died for us.”
Note: Jesus was willing to suffer and die for those who did not love Him and did not treat Him kindly. How could He endure that? Because He looked ahead at a future day.
e. Hebrews 12:2 says, “Looking unto __________ the author and finisher of our faith; who for the ______ that was set before him ______________ the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
Whether anyone responds favorably or properly now is not always
certain, so we, too, must look ahead, and by faith see the joy that
we will one day have because we obeyed the Lord upon earth.
f. Ephesians 4:26,27 says, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the ______ go down upon your __________: Neither give __________ to the __________.”
Note: How does the devil ever get a place in the marriage of Christians? The next verse explains one way.
g. 1 Corinthians 7:5 says, “______________ ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come ________________ again, that __________ tempt you not for your incontinency.”
Note: The word defraud means “to deprive of something by deception or fraud (synonym, ‘to cheat’)” (Merriam-Webster’s 11th Collegiate Dictionary).
The word incontinency means, “failure to control appetite for affection” (partially from Merriam-Webster’s 11th Collegiate Dictionary).
If you let the sun go down upon your wrath (you are upset with your spouse about something), then you will withhold affection from him/her. And when you do that, YOU are letting SATAN INTO YOUR MARRIAGE. Now Satan will try and tempt your spouse because you did not fulfill the longing for affection that he/she had.
You may be thinking, “I’ll show him/her that it is not worth it to treat me that way or to cross me!”
And while you are gloating in your power over your spouse, Satan is in the background saying,
“Yes, yes, keep thinking and acting that way, because it gives me an open door to tempt your
spouse to be immoral with someone! Oh, excuse me, but I have someone in mind
already! I hate to run, but don’t worry… I will be back!”
h. 1 Corinthians 7:3 says, “Let the ______________ render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the ________ unto the husband.”
Note: The word benevolence means “an act of kindness; a generous gift” (Merriam-Webster’s 11th Collegiate Dictionary). The gift in view here is further described.
i. Verse 4 says, “The ________ hath not power of her own ________, but the husband: and likewise also the ______________ hath not power of his own ________, but the wife.”
Note: Please notice here that both the husband and the wife are told to give the control of their bodies over to each other for affection. They are not to defraud (cheat each other out of affection), but to yield their bodies to each other.
Please also notice that this affection is not to be a one-sided matter, but an event in which both persons are responsive. Each is to have control of the other person’s body — not a person to be in control of his/her own.
Much error has been taught about this matter in seminars. In fact, some have taught
that husbands and wives showing affection to each other, and trying to bring pleasure
to each other, (apart from the specific purpose of conception) are committing sodomite acts.
Such false teaching does much harm to the joy and oneness of marriage. Read the passage slowly again, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
This passage does not teach couples to only come together when a child
is desired. The EXACT OPPOSITE IS TAUGHT HERE — to only abstain from each other
during times of fasting and prayer, (Scripture also teaches to abstain during monthly cycles),
— ALL OTHER TIMES they should gladly come together when either one has the desire.
How sad it is when unmarried seminar leaders try to teach married couples an unscriptural system of will worship that is exactly the opposite of what the Bible really teaches.
j. Colossians 2:20-23 says, “Wherefore if ye be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances, (Touch not; taste not; handle not; Which all are to perish with the using;) after the commandments and doctrines of men? Which things have indeed a show of wisdom in ________ ______________, and humility, and ____________________ of the body; not in any honour to the satisfying of the flesh.”
Note: This practice is called asceticism, and means “ practicing strict self-denial as a measure of personal and especially spiritual discipline” (Merriam-Webster’s 11th Collegiate Dictionary).
This is why monks became hermits living in seclusion (sometimes in cold, dark, damp caves); wearing rough clothing (to purposely bring discomfort to the flesh); and eating very simple and basic foods (nothing that would be savoury to the taste buds); and taking vows to never marry (never having the pleasure of a wife and children). These were all things of will worship. They thought that the more they hurt, the more that it pleased God. That is not a real worship of God, but a worship of the will.
There is a time to separate from the people and the pleasures of this world and to seek God’s face in fasting and prayer. But those are short periods of time — not the general rule of life. Fasting can easily become a matter of asceticism, if a person is not careful (thinking that God is more pleased with us in our lives if we are hurting and uncomfortable).
By the way, unmarried people do not have to teach unscriptural things about this area of marriage. The Holy Spirit used the apostle Paul to pen this passage, and Paul was an unmarried man.
If God has called you to a life of singleness, do not try and
unscripturally teach married couples to act like they are single.
Note: Why is there so much trouble today in the area of affection in marriage (even in Christian marriages), and what can be done about it? The Christian book stores are getting filled with books that are getting more and more pornographic in nature — both in the detailed descriptions of what to do, and in the pictures displayed. The answer to this problem is found in the Bible.
#1 — There is a problem with affection in marriages today, because of the
world-view that large families are harmful to the earth (over-population).
Note: Even Christians have swallowed the lie of the world in this matter, and have thus greatly limited their family size.
k. Genesis 1:27-28 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be ________________, and ________________, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”
Note: God did not warn man about having too many children. In fact, God told man to multiply — not just to add or to keep even the present population.
l. Psalms 127:3-5 says,
“Lo, children are an ________________ of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his
____________. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that hath his quiver ________ of them: they shall not be ashamed, but
they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.”
#1 — There is a problem with affection in marriages today, because of the world-view that large families are harmful to the earth (over-population).
#2 — There is a problem with affection in marriages today, because couples
simply do not want the responsibility and extra work of having many children.
m. Ezekiel 16:49 says, “Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister __________, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of ________________ was in ______ and in her __________________, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.”
Note: Have you ever wondered why there is no mention of the men and boys in this passage when dealing with the iniquity of Sodom? The reason is because the perversion of the men and boys was only the outward symptom of the root cause of Sodom’s problems.
The Root Cause of Sodomy:
1. The women of Sodom were idle and lazy.— They did not want to submit to God’s will to have many children, because that would be too much work. As you read through the Bible, notice how godly women always desired more children.
2. This attitude spread to their daughters.
— They also had no desire to grow up and have large families, because they, too, were idle and lazy.
3. This caused the wives to not desire affection with their husbands.
— Because that brings the possibility of more children and more work.
4. That produces an attitude where women despise their husbands in particular, and all men, in general.
— Because they all seem to be affection-loving beasts who only bring more work upon the women.
5. This causes women to have closer friendships with other women, than with their own husbands.
— They just have to talk to someone with whom they can share their concerns, and talking to other women is safe.
6. They then begin to fulfill their physical needs through those that understand them and their perspective (other women), and those that do not present them with unwanted side effects (conceiving children).
a. The result is a perverted relationship with another woman.
b. The advantages in their minds are:
1.) They share the same emotional perspectives.
2.) They share the knowledge of what brings the most pleasure.
3.) They can provide pleasure without threatening more work for themselves (children).
7. When the men are rejected by their wives, and see them forming closer relationships with other women, they follow their example and do the same with other men.
n. Romans 1:26-27 clearly shows, once again, that sodomy and perversion starts with the women, and then likewise the men pick up on it. “For this cause God gave them up unto ________ affections: for even their __________ did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And ________________ also the ______, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.”
Note: In the Old Testament (Ezekiel 16:49 referring to Sodom), and in the New Testament (Romans 1:26-27), both passages say that the root cause of Sodomy starts with the women. They rebel against the God-given desire that they are to have for having children. That causes them to reject Biblical, marital affection. And what about the men? They are no different than Adam in the Garden of Eden — they are still following the women into sin. (Also see Bible Course BC-E-106 on the Christian’s Appearance, for an explanation of why men and boys started piercing their ears.)
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