Liberty Bible Study Course - Marriage Part 6

Chapter 3

VI. The Problems In Marriage.
A. Your Self.
B. Your Spouse.
1. An unsaved or unspiritual spouse.

2. A spouse that has left his/her first love for you.

#3 — There is a problem with affection in marriages today, because young people

are not taught the Biblical perspective of affection in the context of marriage.

o. Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is ____________________ in all, and the ______ __________________: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”

Note: Affection in marriage is an honorable and blessed thing — but affection outside of marriage is a dishonorable and dirty thing. One problem that arises in this matter is what parents tell their children about affection. In their zeal to keep their children pure, some parents just tell their children that intimate affection is a dirty thing. They do not make it clear that it is dirty only when it is done outside of marriage. Within the context of marriage, it is a beautiful and wonderful gift to share with each other.

If children think that affection is a dirty, sinful thing, then, even when

they get married, they are going to feel guilty for taking part in it.

Remember that it is God who made man and woman, and there is nothing sinful about the way that He made us, including the means of showing affection to each other.

    p. Genesis 1:26-28 says, “And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; ________ and ____________ created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and ________________, and replenish the earth.”
    q. Genesis 1:31 says, “And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was ________ good.”
    r. Genesis 2:24-25 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be ______ flesh. And they were both _________, the man and his wife, and were ______    ______________.”

Note: Nakedness is a dirty thing if you are not married, but in the context of marriage it is a beautiful thing. God created Adam and Eve that way, and they were not ashamed. It was only when Adam and Eve sinned, that they felt uncomfortable around each other. How sad it is when young people have been mis-trained to think that affection is a dirty thing, so that they feel ashamed before their spouses one day.
Stop and think. Do you realize that in many marriages, husbands see more flesh revealed of other women on a regular basis, than of their own wives? This is not in reference to those men who are wicked in their thoughts and are viewing pornography or suggestive television or videos — this is in reference to what men see at a glance everywhere they go — women baring parts of their bodies that only their husbands should see. Men are held accountable to God to immediately turn away and not lust. But what will a wise and Biblical wife do about this matter? Go back to point #r, and re-read Genesis 2:24-25. Then notice the next verses.

s. Proverbs 5:18-23 says, “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the ________ of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ________________ always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a ______________ woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? For the ways of man are before the ________ of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings. His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins. He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.”

Note: The above verses first describe a very affectionate scene in marriage. In marriage, that is not a dirty scene, but a beautiful one.

The verses following that opening scene contrast it with those who are affectionate

outside of marriage. That is to be viewed as something strange (you are not to be

affectionately familiar with someone who is not your spouse); that is to be considered

as something which will bring guilt (because the eyes of the Lord are watching you);

that is to be viewed as something that is iniquity and wicked and sinful.

Note: The Bible says that a man is to be ravished with the love of his wife — but not with a strange woman. The word ravish means “to seize; to plunder; to overcome with emotion, joy, or delight” (Merriam-Webster’s 11th Collegiate Dictionary).

Sadly, in many Christian marriages, wives are not interested in ravishing their husbands.

At even such a suggestion, they are almost repulsed, and may even accuse their

husbands of being wicked in their thoughts. Such a response shows the lack

of Biblical training of young ladies by their mothers.

Many times what it shows is that their own mothers have had an unscriptural, unaffectionate relationship with their own husbands for many years. In reality, they have much in common with the mothers and daughters of Sodom.

t. Ezekiel 16:45 says, “Thou art thy ______________ daughter, that ______________ her ______________ and her children; and thou art the ____________ of thy sisters, which ____________ their husbands and their children: your mother was an Hittite, and your father an Amorite.”

Note: The word lothe means, “to detest (by implication, to reject; to abhor); to be reluctant, disinclined” (Strong’s Concordance & Merriam-Webster’s 11th Collegiate Dictionary).

A wife that detests affection with her husband; and that is reluctant

or disinclined to desire it, is likened unto a daughter of Sodom.

When a wife and mother does not have an affectionate relationship with her husband,

that is exactly how her daughter is going to be with her own husband some day,

other than by the grace of God. The daughter will learn by watching her mother.

Note: Now, in the reverse, do you also realize that in many Christian marriages, wives see more flesh revealed of other men on a regular basis, than of their own husbands? This is not in reference to those women who are wicked in their thoughts and are viewing pornography or soap operas all day long while their husbands are at work — this is in reference to what women see at a glance everywhere they go — men baring parts of their bodies that only their wives should see.
What should a wise, Biblical husband do about this? Go back to point #r and re-read Genesis 2:24-25.

#1 — There is a problem with affection in marriages today, because of the world-view that large families are harmful to the earth (over-population).
#2 — There is a problem with affection in marriages today, because couples simply do not want the responsibility and extra work of having many children.
#3 — There is a problem with affection in marriages today, because young people are not taught the Biblical perspective of affection in the context of marriage.

#4 — There is a problem with affection in marriages today, because young people

are not taught the details of Biblical affection in the right way and at the right time.

Note: When do you teach young people the details about affection in marriage? The world has decided to do it at a very young age in school. That is like teaching an eight-year-old, in detail, how to operate a car, and then telling him, “Now I better never catch you trying to drive for another eight years — until you are sixteen years old!” If that is the case, then why did you teach him the details before he needed to know them?

The world foolishly teaches their children all of the details of affection, and then wonders why they use all of that new-found knowledge at a young age. So when is the right time?

First, when a child becomes somewhat proficient at reading, get that

child on a daily Bible reading plan to read through the entire Bible.

Just reading through the Bible will give a gradual and general knowledge of affection in marriage — and a clear warning about the guilt and sin of affection outside of marriage. No one can say it better than God.

Secondly, all of the details of marital affection are to be given to the bride — not to the groom,

just before they leave for the honeymoon. In the marriage, the wife is called upon to be the follower

of her husband — not the leader. There is an exception in one area — that of affection. The wife

is called upon to be the leader and teacher in that realm. Does the Bible really teach that?

u. Song of Solomon 8:1-3 says, “O that thou wert as my brother, that sucked the breasts of my mother! when I should find thee without, I would ________ thee; yea, I should not be despised. I would ________ thee, and bring thee into my _______________ house, who would ________________ ____: I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate. His ________ hand should be under my ________, and his __________ hand should ______________ me.”

Note: This is NOT a joint session with the bride and the groom being taught by mother and mother-in-law. The young bride brings her new husband into her mother’s house, and he waits while mother takes daughter aside and instructs her in how to give her new husband the most wonderful gift that he has ever received, apart from salvation.

Do you know what would happen if this was actually followed? Son-in-laws would

not start off hating their mother-in-laws, but would love them! If that young man

knew that it was his mother-in-law who instructed her daughter in how to give him

such a precious gift, and to ravish his heart (both on the wedding night, and through-

out their years of marriage); he would thank God for his mother-in-law over and over

as he enjoyed the fruit of her training her daughter in the Biblical way. Oh, the strained

relationships with mother-in-laws and the frustrated marriages lacking in Biblical

affection. What we miss out on in life — all because we will not do things God’s way!

Note: The godly young lady is not going to take this lead in regard to her husband, unless she has been properly instructed by her mother to do so (that is, unless she has been reading her Bible carefully and prayerfully, and realizes this is what God wants her to do). A godly young lady will have been taught not to be flirtatious with boys, so she is going to naturally think that even when she gets married, she is supposed to wait for the man’s lead in this matter of affection. But in this case, she would be wrong.

v. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way which ______________ __________ unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of __________.”

Note: Even in well-known publications and ministries, young ladies are seldom taught their Biblical role in this matter.

Illustration: In a respected magazine on the home and raising children, a young bride’s letter was reprinted. She had been married for 3 months, and only once in that time had her husband kissed her. Her parents knew that something was wrong, because she could not keep from crying. She wrote that she was crying because she was still a virgin. (No Greater Joy, by Michael Pearl, March-April 2006, page 4)
In that article, the magazine dealt extensively with the problems of young men today, and trying to only approve of the right young man for your daughter to marry. That is an awesome task. But the sad thing is that the Biblical answer to that young bride’s problem was never addressed in that magazine article. Biblically, it was not the place of that young man to be the leader in that area on their wedding night — it was the place of the bride.

The young bride wrote that it was her mother, mainly, who had arranged her marriage

to that young man; and that her mother would be shocked if she knew that she was still a virgin.

The mother no doubt loved her daughter very much, but how shocked would she be, if she

realized that it was really her lack of training her daughter to be the leader of affection, that

was making her daughter’s life so miserable? How many other Christian young people have

kept their minds and their bodies pure — waiting patiently for their own marriage one day — only to

be disillusioned and disappointed with it all after only a short time? The answer to that, is staggering.

Just look around you. How many marriages would you rate as being very happy, and showing forth that first love? You probably do not need half of your fingers on one hand, to count such marriages that you know.

Note: There are many reasons that God ordained the woman to lead the man in this matter of affection: men can be too rough; men do not know all about the cycles of life, etc. This is not teaching that throughout the whole marriage only the woman can initiate affection. She is to take the lead in it and teach her husband, but it should become a mutual thing.

w. 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 says, “The ________ hath not power of her own body, but the ______________: and likewise also the ______________ hath not power of his own body, but the ________. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

If a husband and wife will obey this verse, they will have better self-control. They will find

it easier to turn away from the strangers that try to entice them. This will also translate

into better attitudes at work for the husband, and better attitudes with the children at

home for the wife. When a husband and wife are bitter against each other, that bitterness

often shows itself in dealings with other people, too. Obeying these verses will also help a

couple to get more accomplished in a day; to have better creativity; and to have higher quality

of those things which are worked on, because the mind is not daydreaming on unfulfilled desires.

x. Ecclesiastes 6:9 says, "Better is the __________ of the eyes than the __________________ of the ____________: this is also vanity and vexation of spirit."

Note: Wife, do you consider your husband a success in his occupation? Are you being a helpmeet to him in this area of affection so that he can concentrate on work while he is at work?

y. Proverbs 31:10-12 says, “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The __________ of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have ____ ________ of spoil. She will do him ________ and not evil all the days of her life.”

Note: Husband, do you consider your wife a success in guiding the house while you are gone? Are you fulfilling her needs for affection? Remember what was on Potiphar’s wife’s mind while he was gone to work?

z. Genesis 39:7 says, “And it came to pass after these things, that his master's ________ cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, ______ with me.”

VI. The Problems In Marriage.
A. Your Self.
B. Your Spouse.
1. An unsaved or unspiritual spouse.
2. A spouse that has left his/her first love for you.

3. An unfaithful spouse to your marriage.

(please see Marriage Bible Course Part 5, for the Scriptural way to handle unfaithfulness in marriage)

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